Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Randomize
