Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
