He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
