I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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