Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize