Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
