my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Randomize
