Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
