I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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