after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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