i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
