hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
