Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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