just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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