if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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