i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
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