i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Randomize
