from now on my penis is your penis
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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