Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
