Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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