woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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