either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
