There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
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