Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
She just used a chaser for red wine.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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