I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
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