glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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