I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
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