So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Randomize
