i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize