We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
