No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Randomize
