Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
