then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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