It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
