And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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