i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
