ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
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