I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Let's paint friendship bongs
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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