I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
