My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
