dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
