So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
