she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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