my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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