i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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