I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Randomize
