And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
