Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
