his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
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