Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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