I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize