i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Randomize
