I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Randomize
