you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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