her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
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