this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Randomize
