What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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