Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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