there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
he was CRYING into my vagina
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
