Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
