I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
