stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
