Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I CAN MOONWALK!
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
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