so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize