pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
We had to coat check the pizza.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
The air was thick with penises
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
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