Apparently you make a good broom.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Randomize
