woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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