He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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