Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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