So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
